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You Know You're In The Wrong Job When...

aka Signs That You've Had Too Much Of The 90s

There are various forms of this one going round and round, all with slightly different numbers of lines, some with additional lines and some without, some with different wording and some with different spelling. A bit like playing Chinese Whispers. I've tried to combine all of the versions that we've received into one massive jardMail. So this one expands occasionally each time we get a new, slightly different version.

Anyone who has worked in office for a large company will recognize most of this, and I can imagine some of you going down the list tacking off each line that applies (if you score anywhere above 40 it must be time to retire!)

1. You've been sitting at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
2. Your CV is on a floppy disk in your pocket.
3. Someone asks you what you do for a living and you lie.
4. You get really excited about a 1.7% pay rise.
5. Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.
6. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
7. You haven't played patience with real cards in years.
8. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
9. You email your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask "Do you fancy going down the pub?" and they reply "Yeah, give me five minutes".
10. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South America, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbour yet this year.
11. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date.
12. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have email addresses.
13. You consider Royal Mail painfully slow or call it "snail mail".
14. Your idea of being organized is multiple coloured post-it notes.
15. You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.
16. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
17. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a "9" to get an outside line.
18. Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
19. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department is short of, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.
20. The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures are on your desk.
21. You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.
22. You sit in a cubicle smaller than your wardrobe.
23. It's dark on your drive to and from work, even in the summer.
24. Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.
25. You see a good-looking, smart person and know it's a visitor.
26. Free food left over from a board meeting is your staple diet.
27. You learn about your redundancy on the Nine O'Clock News.
28. Art involves a white board.
29. All real work is done prior to 9am and after 5pm.
30. You're already a week late on the assignment you've just received.
31. More than 10 per cent of the people in your company do not know what you do.
32. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert "9" to get an outside line.
33. Change is the norm.
34. Nepotism is encouraged.
35. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
36. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long service awards.
37. Board Members' salaries are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined.
38. You know exactly how many days you've got left until you retire.
39. Interviewees, despite not having the relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told the starting salary.
40. The work experience person gets a brand new state of the art lap-top with all the features, whilst you have time to go to lunch while your computer boots-up.
41. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital.
42. Holiday is something you roll over 'till next year.
43. You boss's favourite lines are:- When you've got a few minutes ... Could you fit this in ...? ... in your spare time ...when you're freed up ... I know you're busy but ... I have an opportunity for you ...
44. Every week another brown collection envelope comes round because someone you didn't know had started is now leaving.
45. You read this entire list, kept nodding and smiling.
46. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "mates you send jokes to" email group.
47. It crosses your mind that your jokes group may have seen this list already, but you can't be bothered to check so you forward it anyway.

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