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Things You Can Count On At Christmas Time

1. No matter how deliriously happy you are at Christmas, 'Don't Drink and Drive' adverts will ensure you get back into a more acceptable state of depression.
2. You will get cards from people you never previously knew existed.
3. Someone will try to start a conversation in which you can be more involved, thus you will have to explain Indie music and what a 'CD' is to your gran/auntie/everyone.
4. If you commit a heinous crime, you can always blame it on that 'violent' video game you received.
5. All Christmas day, they'll be nothing on T.V, and then two things you want to watch will be on at the same time.
6. Or, all the good programmes will be on when, during a temporary moment of insanity, your dad insists on watching repeats of old game shows on Challenge TV.
7. During a family game of charades, you will perform a series of embarrassingly pathetic actions to represent Gone With The Wind, in which you madly flail your arms, pretending to 'be the wind'. You will finally give up after puzzled faces have shouted a barrage of seemingly random song/theater show titles.
8. In the same game, dad will try to mimic the Can – Can dancers from Moulin Rouge, to which every one responds "Charlie Chaplin".
9. At the dawn of a new year, 12 o'clock at night, you will be forced by your relatives to wish everyone on the Internet "Happy New Year!" as if in a race to think and put into action such an ingenious idea.

(Thanks to Peter Buckley for submitting this one. If you'd like to submit a joke or other jardMail please visit the joke submission page.)

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