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You May Be Addicted To The 'Net If...

1. You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
2. Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
3. You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
4. You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the Communications Decency Act.
5. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
6. All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
7. And even your night dreams are in HTML.
8. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
9. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
10. You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot."
11. Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
12. You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
13. You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new email arrives.
14. When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
15. Your dog has its own home page.
16. You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos.
17. You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.
18. You believe nothing looks sexier than a man in boxer shorts illuminated only by a 17" inch svga monitor.
19. You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
20. You refer to your age as 3.x.
21. You have comandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.
22. Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
23. Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on your favorite IRC channel.
24. You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
25. You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
26. You laugh at people with 2400 baud modems.
27. You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games from Apogee.
28. You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
29. You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
30. You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
31. You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
32. You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
33. Your friends no longer send you email...they just log on to your IRC channel.
34. You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
35. Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
36. You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
37. You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 1.1 or higher."
38. You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off.
39. The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
40. You put a pillow case over your laptop so your lover doesn't see it while you are pretending to catch your breath.
41. You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
42. You forget what year it is.
43. You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
44. You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".
45. You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
46. You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
47. As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
48. The remote to the T.V. is missing...and you don't even care.
49. The last time you looked at the clock it was 11:30pm, and in what seems like only a few seconds later, your sister runs past you to catch her 7am school bus.
50. You create a homepage with the impression to cure the afflicted...but your hidden agenda is to receive more email.
51. Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged on in two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISPs access number. You try to humm to communicate with it. You succeed.
52. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for free Internet access.
53. After reading this, you immediately email it.

If you recognised any of these symptoms please go to the 12 Step Program Of Recovery For Web Addicts page for help.

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