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jardMail » miscellaneous » Doctor, Doctor... |
A guy gives his 85 year old father a surprise visit from a call-girl.
Hooker: "Hi, I'm here to give you super sex!"
Old Timer: "Hmmm...thanks, I'll take the soup."
Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my arse."
"How's that?"
"Don't you start!"
"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."
"Well you can't say fairer than that then."
"Doctor, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's bloody heavy."
A man goes to his GP with a peanut stuck in his left ear. "What can I do to get it out?" he asks pathetically.
"Pour warm chocolate in the right ear and tilt your head" replies the Doc.
"How the bloody hell will that help?"
"Easy", replies the Doc, "When the chocolate cools it should come out a treat....."
An old man visits his doctor. After thorough examination, the doctor tells him:
"I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"
Patient: "Well, give me the bad news first."
Doctor: "You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left."
Patient: "OH NO! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over!
What kind of good news could you possibly tell me, after this???"
Doctor: "You also have Alzheimer's.
In about three months you're going to forget everything I just told you."
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