jardMail » Men & Women » Pay Rise

Pay Rise

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

• I do physical labour
• I work at great depths
• I work head first
• I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays
• I work in a damp environment
• I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
• I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
• I work in high temperatures
• My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Response from the administration:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

• You do not work 8 hours straight
• You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
• You do not always follow the orders of the management team
• You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
• You take a lot of non-rostered breaks
• You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
• You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
• You don't always observe OH&S measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits
• You don't wait till pension age before retiring
• You don't like working double shifts
• You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work
• And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags

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