Thou shalt not refer to members of the opposite sex using the dictionary defined words for them (such as woman or female). Terms such as bint, floss, tart, totty and muff should be used at all times.
Thou shalt not pass up opportunities to go out on the lager in order to see a bint, unless a shag is specifically promised by the floss. Any shag must be the first with this particular totty, and must be refused if the night is Friday which shall be spent with the lads and remain sacred.
Under no circumstances should sexual intercourse be undertaken during Match of The Day (known as 'The Sabbath'). This commandment may be broken on the occasion of...
a one-night-stand floss ('cheap, filthy tart') being available for one night only.
the one night stand bloke in question ('heroic stud') being heartily drunk
the stud's video being set to record the Sabbath.
you can, alternatively, see the Sabbath whilst the aforementioned tart provides a hearty blow job (every stud's right).
Thou shalt not eat 'bint's food' i.e. quiche, salad, tofu, sweetcorn etc. Only food containing high amounts of cholesterol such as of fry-up's, curry, and kebabs may be consumed.
Thou shalt not address mates by their first names. Nicknames (such as nobber, one-night-Stan or shagger) or insults (tosser, mincer, fagboy) should be used at all times. Birds should be called their first names to their faces, but commandment 1 applies to floss in the event of them being out of earshot.
Thou shalt not cuddle, kiss, or show any affection to a tart after sexual intercourse has been attained, instead the 'heroic stud' should immediately roll over so as not to be facing the 'cheap, filthy tart', and fall asleep.
Thou shalt not indulge in any form of public displays of affection (PDA's) with a tart. This includes kissing, holding of hands, cuddling.......the only exception to this rule is an outdoor shag, with a new bird.
Thou shalt never speak to another bloke while at the urinal. Eyes should remain focused straight ahead at all times. Anyone who takes his time to start his business is obviously 'just there to look' and anyone who uses a floss khazi (cubicle) obviously has a small one. These rules are final, and non-negotiable.
Thou shalt not attempt to do housework of any kind, irrespective of the amount of nagging from a bint. If a bint refuses to do any housework, seek aid from another tart (eg mother or grandmother). This commandment may only be breached if all avenues have been explored, and sexual favours have been revoked by the bint.
Thou shalt not be dragged to the shops on any day, especially Saturday afternoon whilst the football is on. Blokes do not do window shopping or go shopping but do not buy anything - if they were supposed to show this strange trait, they would have evolved a chuff of their own. The only shops that may be entered by blokes during the so called sacred hours (i.e. when footy is on telly) are off licences (for booze) and cornershops (for razz mags to make up for lack of bird servicing).
