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Signs You've Been In Town Too Long

Just one for the Brits I think!

1. SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN LONDON TOO LONG

   1. You say 'mate' constantly.
   2. You think it is perfectly normal to pay over three quid for a pint.
   3. Anyone not from London is a 'plonker'.
   4. Anyone from outside London and north of the Watford Gap is a 'Northern Plonker'.
   5. You have no idea where the North is, and Cornwall is another country.
   6. You see All Saints in the Met Bar (again) and find it hard to get excited about it.
   7. The countryside makes you nervous.
   8. Somebody speaks to you on the tube and you freak out thinking they are a stalker.
   9. American tourists no longer annoy you.
   10. You talk in postcodes. "God, it was really warm round SW1 the other day".
   11. You can't remember the last time you got up to 30 mph in your car in the city.
   12. You didn't realise that 'Paddington Green' is REAL.

2. SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN LIVERPOOL TOO LONG

   1. You have an urge to steal.
   2. You think Brookside is a 'glamorous' soap.
   3. You think Hollyoaks is 'posh'.
   4. You keep going on about how great Liverpool and Scousers are.
   5. To you, organised crime is putting petrol in the getaway car.
   6. You start to cry when you hear 'Ferry cross the Mersey'.
   7. You think anyone from Liverpool has a great sense of humour.
   8. You often wonder why you don't hear of many Scouse comedians any more.
   9. You think everyone's heard of Greg Pateras.
   10. You start thinking that Plymouth sounds nice.

3. SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN GLASGOW TOO LONG

   1. You say 'pish' all the time.
   2. You say 'aye' all the time.
   3. You end sentences with 'like' i.e. 'I'm no goin' there, like, it's pish'.
   4. You think McEwans beer is great, ignoring the fact it 'tastes of pish like'.
   5. You get an urge to punch everybody you meet.
   6. You punch everybody you meet.
   7. You get drunk before, after and during punching everybody you meet.
   8. You are incomprehensible.
   9. People seem to be scared of you when you say where you are from.
   10. You automatically get the urge to kill on hearing the words Edinburgh' or 'England'.
   11. You have heart disease aged 26 due to all deep-fried pizzas you have consumed since birth.

4. SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN CARDIFF TOO LONG

   1. You're still there.

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